fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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