i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
