so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
