We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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