do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
