that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
