Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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