oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
