u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
