She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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