It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
