I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
