Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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