I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
40s are totally the cure
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
my liver is dry heaving
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
