Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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