What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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