Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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