How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
