I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sober January is a disaster.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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