You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
