the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
