So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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