Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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