bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
