hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it hurts more in the daytime
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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