He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
