just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
