you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
