Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
