They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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