we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
