sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm bleeding and have questions
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
