you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
