So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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