we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
