The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
