how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
