I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Im part way to drunk.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
