I molested 6 butterflies tonight
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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