woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
