Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
