you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
