you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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