You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
