just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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