I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
