so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
