There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
