Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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