Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
