capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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