She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
