he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
