you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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