How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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