she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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