Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
