Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
