we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
