called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
