I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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