Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
