Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
