I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
