only if we run a train.
done.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize