Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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